I don’t want to be cruel to her, but I cannot be her friend.
I just learned that my best friend’s wife of three years has been having an affair for nearly a year with a mutual friend of theirs. (My friend is a man; I’m a woman.) My friend is understandably reeling from the event. However, he is intent on staying with her. Going forward, I don’t know how to conduct our friendship while she remains a prominent figure in his life.
I don’t want her to be punished, but I do feel a level of injustice. I am fiercely loyal to my friend, and this woman has betrayed him to the deepest degree. I am deeply upset with her. Yet he is still caring for her, especially as she is crumbling in the aftermath of losing her lover and facing the fallout of her lies. I feel as though she’s unwilling to handle the consequences of her actions and he is letting her get away with it.
The three of us would often spend time together, but I have no interest in spending time with her moving forward. I don’t want to be unkind to her, but I cannot be her friend. I do want to be there for my friend. He is crumbling too. But I fear that supporting him, longer term, means spending time with his wife.
How do I attend future gatherings where they act as if everything is okay among our larger group of friends? How do I support my friend, in whatever choice he makes, when I appear to be far less forgiving than him?