Board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman says that the key to building a healthy and long-standing relationship is communicating through asking questions. The questions themselves will bring up the character of one person and indicate how open they are willing to get and if they take criticism well. These questions will either build trust or shed light on deeper issues that were always lurking.
Bright Side gathered a list of 10 questions that, according to Dr. Susan Edelman, will help you and your partner open up to each other and learn more about the types of individuals you are.
1. How close are you with your family? Dr. Edelman says that “asking someone about their family and whether they’re close can build trust and emotional intimacy.” Every family has some kind of dysfunctionality and opening up about it lets you know why your partner is the way they are and acts the way they do.
2. What do you find hard to talk about with me? Many couples find it hard to talk about certain matters with each other. It is easier to find out what these matters are and why they are reluctant to talk them out with you. Their answer might be a bit judgmental for you, but you have to be accepting if you want to build total trust between the 2 of you.
3. What accomplishment are you most proud of? Revealing the one accomplishment that your partner is most proud of shows their ultimate goal in life. It is a way of asking what their main goal is — a question that they may not be able to be completely honest about since it may lead to other information.
4. What’s your take on our relationship? Nobody likes being asked directly whether they love their partner and how much. The above question is a more casual approach of getting the answers you are looking for. You get to see how your partner feels about you and how they think your relationship is going without having to say any big words that they may not be ready to say just yet.
5. What memory of yours is the worst? This question will bring intimacy the same way the question about your partner’s family will. People find it easy to talk about happy moments, but they refrain from thinking and talking about their sad moments. Opening up about them means opening a window to their heart and their past.
6. What was the last thing you cried about? Crying is a very deep emotion that gets brought up by very unpleasant situations or feelings. It is a continuance of the previous question. Being able to talk about something painful means that you trust the person you are opening up to with your pain.
7. What is this one thing you would change about yourself? Depending on the answer you will get to this question, you will see whether your partner recognizes the negative parts of themselves and whether they want to change them. If so, it means that they want you to know their disadvantages and help them change them.
8. What would you do if you had only 6 weeks to live? This is a very deep hypothetical question that invites your partner to think about the things that matter the most to them. It will make them do some soul searching so that they’ll be able to share with you their ultimate goals and desires that were always there.
9. What constitutes a perfect day for you? Every person has different sources of joy and with this question, you will know exactly what these sources are. It is important to know the wants and needs of your partner and for them to reveal them to you requires them to open a small part of their heart to you.
10. What are the 5 things that you are most thankful for right now? Being thankful for your life means that you appreciate the people and things around you and that you realize the importance of not taking what you have for granted. Hearing what your partner is thankful for shows you what they value the most in life and what they would like to keep on having in their lives.
Another very important question is whether your partner trusts you with their secrets. J. Hope Suis, who is a relationship expert, says that it is important to know whether your partner feels comfortable revealing to you even the deepest and most embarrassing secrets. If not, then you probably have serious problems to solve. If, on the other hand, the answer is ’yes’, then this means that you’re heading in the right direction and that you will need to be as open as your partner.